Saturday, December 15, 2007
Friday, November 23, 2007
A Lesson in Amateur Street Racing (Take 2)
OK. To continue with what appears to be a "driving blog":
You cannot challenge a driver in the next lane if you are not both at the front of the line at a stoplight. I witnessed a car full of hooligans challenge the car next to them. Neither of these cars were at the front of the line. The light turns green, and this drag race became reliant on the speed of the two cars in front, which I can only assume were driven by escapees of the geriatric wing of the nearest hospital. Humor has no bounds. To see a drag race last a grand total of 0.5 seconds before slamming on the brakes, well, is a beautiful thing. God Bless America.
You cannot challenge a driver in the next lane if you are not both at the front of the line at a stoplight. I witnessed a car full of hooligans challenge the car next to them. Neither of these cars were at the front of the line. The light turns green, and this drag race became reliant on the speed of the two cars in front, which I can only assume were driven by escapees of the geriatric wing of the nearest hospital. Humor has no bounds. To see a drag race last a grand total of 0.5 seconds before slamming on the brakes, well, is a beautiful thing. God Bless America.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
I Rock! (Again)
I am happy to say that Guitar Hero back up and running. I am both sad and ashamed at how the problem came about in the first place. Apparently, I rocked so hard last weekend that knocked over the PlayStation mid-guitar solo. One cheap and one expensive scratch remover later, and all systems are go. The lengths I go to in order to propel my rock stardom is frightening.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Can you hear that?
I swear, I need to start writing/performing comedy again. I've been hearing set-ups for jokes everywhere. The disappointing thing is they are only set-ups. What happens afterwards is disappointing at best.
Excuse me while I contemplate the many advantages of owning a chicken costume.
Excuse me while I contemplate the many advantages of owning a chicken costume.
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
Bloggin' Ain't Easy...
...for me, anyway.
On my drive to work today, I noticed a billboard along the highway. Hang on, the story's not done. It is an advertisement for a concert venue in a casino/hotel. This venue (like many other venues that happen to be inside a casino) always has "big name" bands and performers, in the respect that the performer is well-known. However, the hey-day of said performer has usually occured 10+ years in the past (I think Hammer might be performing there next week). Casinos always seem to have a slogan where they are telling the customer to be entertained. Some phrases that come to mind are "Just have fun!", "Get out there!", and "Live it up!" The unfortunate combination of these two things is what caused me to chuckle. When you are a casino with a venue that features music groups that are past their prime, perhaps you should come up with a better slogan than "Let yourself go!" I'm just sayin'.
On my way home today (It's sad that the majority of things that happen in my life occur while driving. But seeing as how much of my time outside of work and my apartment is spent operating a motor vehicle, it can't be helped.) my thoughts drifted to the makers of sports bras, and how there is at least one manufacturer that has not found the correct ratio of comfort to support. I will leave the imagery to you.
On a completely unrelated note, the new fall season has begun for the world of television. I am disappointed to find out that none of the shows I watch on a regular basis, including new shows, were in the top 10 in ratings. When I saw the shows that actually made the list (Except for CSI, good job) I felt nothing but shame for the people in this country.
I guess a lot of Americans wanted to be dancers.
On my drive to work today, I noticed a billboard along the highway. Hang on, the story's not done. It is an advertisement for a concert venue in a casino/hotel. This venue (like many other venues that happen to be inside a casino) always has "big name" bands and performers, in the respect that the performer is well-known. However, the hey-day of said performer has usually occured 10+ years in the past (I think Hammer might be performing there next week). Casinos always seem to have a slogan where they are telling the customer to be entertained. Some phrases that come to mind are "Just have fun!", "Get out there!", and "Live it up!" The unfortunate combination of these two things is what caused me to chuckle. When you are a casino with a venue that features music groups that are past their prime, perhaps you should come up with a better slogan than "Let yourself go!" I'm just sayin'.
On my way home today (It's sad that the majority of things that happen in my life occur while driving. But seeing as how much of my time outside of work and my apartment is spent operating a motor vehicle, it can't be helped.) my thoughts drifted to the makers of sports bras, and how there is at least one manufacturer that has not found the correct ratio of comfort to support. I will leave the imagery to you.
On a completely unrelated note, the new fall season has begun for the world of television. I am disappointed to find out that none of the shows I watch on a regular basis, including new shows, were in the top 10 in ratings. When I saw the shows that actually made the list (Except for CSI, good job) I felt nothing but shame for the people in this country.
I guess a lot of Americans wanted to be dancers.
Monday, September 24, 2007
Howler Monkey Version 2.0
Well folks. Or is it "folk" by now? I'm sure everyone has already written me off since my last blog entry was approximately 10 months ago, and the last entry was sub-par at best. And I'm already off to a great start with this one: A sentence fragment, followed by a run-on. Let's get caught up, shall we?
1. I am now a licensed professional. Professional what, you ask?
2. My sister got hitched in the Arizona desert. Truly wonderful ceremony.
3. The folks are doing well, as always.
4. The job is getting busy. So I would like to announce my pending marriage to my profession.
5. Got to take a trip to Knox Vegas to visit my surrogate family. The Judos are a terrific bunch. and Uncle Truck is glad to know them.
6. The Hurricane Girl moved out. Our most recent conversation? Her telling me to remember to change the relationship status on myspace.
Which brings us to the here and now. At which point, I can now begin the actual blog.
*Ahem*
The ballsiest things I have seen in the recent past:
1. There is a(n) opossum that has been hanging out on my back porch for the past few weeks. He makes no motion to attack me, nor does he flee from my presence. Chutzpa index: 7
2. Kudos to the squirrels that are systematically trying to chew through/piss on my garbage can. Do you remember that part of "Jurassic Park" where the raptors are testing their cage for weaknesses? Pretty much the same thing. Huevo Level: 8
3. I saw what I swear was a penguin on the side of the road on my way back from Knox Vegas. Granted, I have no idea how a penguin would be on the side of the highway in the South (Believe me, I ran every scenario). Stones rating: 9 out of 10 (Note: The only way this rating could have been higher would be if the penguin had survived the ordeal.)
You'll note that these three "ball-sy" acts were done by animals, and not people. This is no coincidence. I have not seen any human act worthy of a list like this for quite some time. I'm not being pessimistic, I'm being real.
As far as blogs go, I can't be sure this was a positive entry, or if it's even entertaining. But it did take a while to type, so there's that.
1. I am now a licensed professional. Professional what, you ask?
2. My sister got hitched in the Arizona desert. Truly wonderful ceremony.
3. The folks are doing well, as always.
4. The job is getting busy. So I would like to announce my pending marriage to my profession.
5. Got to take a trip to Knox Vegas to visit my surrogate family. The Judos are a terrific bunch. and Uncle Truck is glad to know them.
6. The Hurricane Girl moved out. Our most recent conversation? Her telling me to remember to change the relationship status on myspace.
Which brings us to the here and now. At which point, I can now begin the actual blog.
*Ahem*
The ballsiest things I have seen in the recent past:
1. There is a(n) opossum that has been hanging out on my back porch for the past few weeks. He makes no motion to attack me, nor does he flee from my presence. Chutzpa index: 7
2. Kudos to the squirrels that are systematically trying to chew through/piss on my garbage can. Do you remember that part of "Jurassic Park" where the raptors are testing their cage for weaknesses? Pretty much the same thing. Huevo Level: 8
3. I saw what I swear was a penguin on the side of the road on my way back from Knox Vegas. Granted, I have no idea how a penguin would be on the side of the highway in the South (Believe me, I ran every scenario). Stones rating: 9 out of 10 (Note: The only way this rating could have been higher would be if the penguin had survived the ordeal.)
You'll note that these three "ball-sy" acts were done by animals, and not people. This is no coincidence. I have not seen any human act worthy of a list like this for quite some time. I'm not being pessimistic, I'm being real.
As far as blogs go, I can't be sure this was a positive entry, or if it's even entertaining. But it did take a while to type, so there's that.
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