Howler Monkey Version 2.0

Well folks. Or is it "folk" by now? I'm sure everyone has already written me off since my last blog entry was approximately 10 months ago, and the last entry was sub-par at best. And I'm already off to a great start with this one: A sentence fragment, followed by a run-on. Let's get caught up, shall we?

1. I am now a licensed professional. Professional what, you ask?
2. My sister got hitched in the Arizona desert. Truly wonderful ceremony.
3. The folks are doing well, as always.
4. The job is getting busy. So I would like to announce my pending marriage to my profession.
5. Got to take a trip to Knox Vegas to visit my surrogate family. The Judos are a terrific bunch. and Uncle Truck is glad to know them.
6. The Hurricane Girl moved out. Our most recent conversation? Her telling me to remember to change the relationship status on myspace.

Which brings us to the here and now. At which point, I can now begin the actual blog.

*Ahem*

The ballsiest things I have seen in the recent past:

1. There is a(n) opossum that has been hanging out on my back porch for the past few weeks. He makes no motion to attack me, nor does he flee from my presence. Chutzpa index: 7
2. Kudos to the squirrels that are systematically trying to chew through/piss on my garbage can. Do you remember that part of "Jurassic Park" where the raptors are testing their cage for weaknesses? Pretty much the same thing. Huevo Level: 8
3. I saw what I swear was a penguin on the side of the road on my way back from Knox Vegas. Granted, I have no idea how a penguin would be on the side of the highway in the South (Believe me, I ran every scenario). Stones rating: 9 out of 10 (Note: The only way this rating could have been higher would be if the penguin had survived the ordeal.)

You'll note that these three "ball-sy" acts were done by animals, and not people. This is no coincidence. I have not seen any human act worthy of a list like this for quite some time. I'm not being pessimistic, I'm being real.

As far as blogs go, I can't be sure this was a positive entry, or if it's even entertaining. But it did take a while to type, so there's that.